Road to 200: #104 Super Princess Peach

Yes. You read that right.

Most of you won’t recognize this title, and I hope that this game falls into the abyss where all god-awful games go to be forgotten. Because this one is a doozy.

Super Princess Peach. An awkward platformer. Idiotic collectible content. A sexist gameplay gimmick. This game is a disaster right out of the gate.

When this game first came out in 2005, I really wanted to play it. I mean, it was a Mario-esque platformer. It had to be fun, right? WRONG. Thirteen-year old Andy was dead-wrong.

Where do I start? The controls are floaty. I never felt comfortable; I was never fully in control. Whether it be in relation to platforming or combat, it was just clunky. The music was fine, but nothing great. In comparison to the rest of the game, though, the music was stellar.

I mentioned idiotic collectibles, and I meant it. In order to reveal the final boss, you have to collect three Toads from every level. Yes, Toads. They are hidden in boxes throughout each stage. Sometimes, they are ‘hidden’ in plain sight. Other times, it’s a real pain in the butt to find them. But in order to consider this game beaten, I needed to find those little turds. It may have been a fun incentive just to collect them, but being forced to collect these Toads… it was the worst. Kirby: Mass Attack had this same problem. The game was far from perfect, but the unnecessary collecting just prolonged the stupidity.

Worst of all was the sexist gimmick. Games have to have some sort of variation. Because, I mean, otherwise we’d get the same game ever year. Right, Assassin’s Creed? Oops.

In Super Princess Peach, Peach’s superpowers are her emotions. Her emotions control the environment. If Peach cries, she can run quickly. If she’s happy, she can FLY. If Peach is calm, she literally regains health. But when Peach is angry, she ignites in flame. She can melt ice and stomp with intense vigor.

It’s ridiculous. I mean, this game was released in 2005, but the stereotypes are just out of control. The game is crappy at every turn. It’s a clunky, sexist, forgettable game.

Either way, I beat it. I never have to play it again. Thank goodness.

#104, beaten.