It’s an exciting time for those of us who have been part of the Heroes of the Storm Community since the early days of the Technical Alpha. It’s less than a week until the game officially launches and Blizzard has an exciting event planned, the details of which can be found at nexuscalling.com. Earlier, I wrote an article on what I would like to see when the game launches, the serious additions that can enhance this newest entry into the MOBA market. Caught up in the giddiness of the moment, here are my not-so serious suggestions for the event that will take place on June 2nd in London, England.
1. Release a swarm of locusts in the crowd, so they can experience the joy of hanging around Anub’arak
2. Dress Bautista up as Diablo and have him grab Russell Brand and flip him over his shoulder.
3. Invite Jenna-Louise Coleman to hold a keg of beer over her head, until she pours out 1000 cups.
4. The fan in the best Falstad costume can ride an Ostrich and serve up crispy tacos.
5. Paint Joe Pesci green and fly him out of the country to hire mercenaries… Gazlowe is never where he’s supposed to be, anyway.
6. The 100th fan at the event gets a bag of poisoned frogs. And some nose plugs.
7. Colin Cowherd covering Stitches’ Gorge-fest, a combination MOBA/Competitive Eating event.
8. Security from the rooftop provided by blonde triplets dressed as Nova.
9. Let that guy dressed as Tychus light up a cigar. It’s about damn time.
10. If the weather gets too hot, have folks enter the cool Jaina mist zone. Then blast them with a cone of cold. Or just an ice cream cone.
11. Force all participants to go through a 45 minute event tutorial, narrated by a crazed bearded man.
12. Don’t cry on the shoulder of that Tassadar, because, you know, he’s not a real support.
13. Dustin Browder splashing random participants with refreshing lime Gatorade while shouting ‘Ancestral Healing!’
14. Have an adorable child dressed a tiny dragon saying the creepiest things.
15. Brigitte Nielsen as Sonya. ‘Nuff Said.
16. Brewin’ with El Druin… the Tyrael Gastropub.
17. Hire 3 confused Swedish tourists to wander around the square, but don’t give them a map.
18. Provide translation in French, Chinese, Korean, German and Murloc
19. Special Musical Guest, MC ‘Sargeant’ Hammer and his BFG. Or that’s what he calls it, at least.
20. And finally, Her Majesty appears, declares herself the Banshee Queen and starts firing arrows stained with blank ink at the Tower of London so that it won’t fire at the gathered masses.
You can follow David on Twitter @DavidJasonToy.